Are You a Gradzilla?

FYI:  Gradzilla = graduate + zilla (an affix for monster). 

Photos grabbed from google image

I hope I'm not gonna be a gradzilla for my coming convocation.

This is the closest to gradzilla image that I could search online.

How do I describe a gradzilla?

1) Worry too much

2) Demand too many things 

3) Over-perfectionist and over-reactive over little imperfection

4) Acting like a spoiled brat and all the attention must be on him/her, him/her, him/her! (eg: like what we can watch in mtv's supersweet sixteenth birthday)

Someone I know (ahem) used to have a few signs of gradzilla and the gradzilla did not only ruined her own mood for worrying too much but our mood as well. We went all the way for her convocation at tooot, I had to endure lectures from my principal for taking holidays during my upper 6, etc etc, but then all we got when we arrived there were more lectures, demands, and complains from her. From pictures, of course all we could we see was nice, bright, and sunny, but what we had actually gone through, I hope we would not have it during my convocation *touch wood*.

Okay I have no grudges against this gradzilla but it's just that I want to compare what she did and what I'm gonna do during my own convocation in my post this time. No offense, *insert name*, but your convocation was one of the best example of a gradzilla that I could find. :P 

Well, during the preparation, the gradzilla had a very nice custom made kebaya outfit (which costs a lot but was only used less than 5 times), so I think it's not worth it, since I wasn't born with silver spoon in my mouth. Since I had a lot of  upcoming expenses that have to be taken care of, I should buy something more practical, something that can be used over and over again like a formal long sleeve blouse and a formal pants, or slacks we call it. But of course, those formal attires must be a nice one, nicer than my usual formal attires.

Secondly, she had fresh flowers from parents. I forgot already whether it was due to her demand or it was given by my parents willingly but guess what, I won't ask or demand flowers or any gifts (unless they themselves offered ahem) from my parents. First, flowers aren't that practical and so hard to take care of especially in a big crowd during the convocation (pity the ones who had to carry the flowers) and guess what, I would choose a Teddy bear over flowers any day.. ;) *hint hint* But then again, gifts should be given as a free-will and not compulsory so come what may.

Thirdly, the gradzilla went on ordering people around as if she had one extra special authority during her convocation and we had to adhere to her orders obediently. (-_-") It wasn't one very good experience to be one of the 'servants' you know, but then she was the first to graduate in our family so that was one of the reasons why we would do anything just to please her.

But then again, at the end of the day, after all the things are over, we would sit and look at the perfect picture that had been taken. If it wasn't for that gradzilla who had surveyed meticulously for the right photo studio, the picture won't be as nice. If it wasn't for that gradzilla who had planned for all the nice things, our parents would have nothing to boast about. (ahem)

I guess, each one of us should have that little gradzilla inside us so that it would drive us for perfection during an important occasion, but at the same time, don't practice your gradzilla-ness on everyone, especially your own family members. You can be a gradzilla when you are a client because you want to demand for perfection and maybe being a gradzilla was the only way they would give their best service to you, but when you practice your gradzilla-ness on your family, you could be ruining the best memory that they are supposed to have. Your convocation, isn't only your convocation, according to Mel. It's your parents' and family's convocation too.

Are You a Gradzilla?

FYI:  Gradzilla = graduate + zilla (an affix for monster). 

Photos grabbed from google image

I hope I'm not gonna be a gradzilla for my coming convocation.

This is the closest to gradzilla image that I could search online.

How do I describe a gradzilla?

1) Worry too much

2) Demand too many things 

3) Over-perfectionist and over-reactive over little imperfection

4) Acting like a spoiled brat and all the attention must be on him/her, him/her, him/her! (eg: like what we can watch in mtv's supersweet sixteenth birthday)

Someone I know (ahem) used to have a few signs of gradzilla and the gradzilla did not only ruined her own mood for worrying too much but our mood as well. We went all the way for her convocation at tooot, I had to endure lectures from my principal for taking holidays during my upper 6, etc etc, but then all we got when we arrived there were more lectures, demands, and complains from her. From pictures, of course all we could we see was nice, bright, and sunny, but what we had actually gone through, I hope we would not have it during my convocation *touch wood*.

Okay I have no grudges against this gradzilla but it's just that I want to compare what she did and what I'm gonna do during my own convocation in my post this time. No offense, *insert name*, but your convocation was one of the best example of a gradzilla that I could find. :P 

Well, during the preparation, the gradzilla had a very nice custom made kebaya outfit (which costs a lot but was only used less than 5 times), so I think it's not worth it, since I wasn't born with silver spoon in my mouth. Since I had a lot of  upcoming expenses that have to be taken care of, I should buy something more practical, something that can be used over and over again like a formal long sleeve blouse and a formal pants, or slacks we call it. But of course, those formal attires must be a nice one, nicer than my usual formal attires.

Secondly, she had fresh flowers from parents. I forgot already whether it was due to her demand or it was given by my parents willingly but guess what, I won't ask or demand flowers or any gifts (unless they themselves offered ahem) from my parents. First, flowers aren't that practical and so hard to take care of especially in a big crowd during the convocation (pity the ones who had to carry the flowers) and guess what, I would choose a Teddy bear over flowers any day.. ;) *hint hint* But then again, gifts should be given as a free-will and not compulsory so come what may.

Thirdly, the gradzilla went on ordering people around as if she had one extra special authority during her convocation and we had to adhere to her orders obediently. (-_-") It wasn't one very good experience to be one of the 'servants' you know, but then she was the first to graduate in our family so that was one of the reasons why we would do anything just to please her.

But then again, at the end of the day, after all the things are over, we would sit and look at the perfect picture that had been taken. If it wasn't for that gradzilla who had surveyed meticulously for the right photo studio, the picture won't be as nice. If it wasn't for that gradzilla who had planned for all the nice things, our parents would have nothing to boast about. (ahem)

I guess, each one of us should have that little gradzilla inside us so that it would drive us for perfection during an important occasion, but at the same time, don't practice your gradzilla-ness on everyone, especially your own family members. You can be a gradzilla when you are a client because you want to demand for perfection and maybe being a gradzilla was the only way they would give their best service to you, but when you practice your gradzilla-ness on your family, you could be ruining the best memory that they are supposed to have. Your convocation, isn't only your convocation, according to Mel. It's your parents' and family's convocation too.

The History of a Practising Prankster

I LOVE to play prank. I used to play a lot of pranks on people and  sometimes even on my pets. I am not sure if this hobby had something to do with the fact that I was born on 11th April (which was dubbed as double fool day by my sista) but I guess my family loooove to prank people, especially me and my siblings. 

I remember one April Fool's Day, when my eldest sister Michele was still  12, she played a prank on her friend by presenting him with lizard's dropping wrapped in a bunch of papers. (-_-") Her friend was really disgusted. Score!

And my second sister Melissa was very good at shocking people and also keeping a straight face when making up stories. She always tricked me by popping in front of me out of nowhere with her long hair covering her face - gosh I always jumped out of my skin whenever she did that. Besides that prank, she tricked a lot of her friends too. One memorable prank that she played on her friend was the one where she made up stories about herself trying drugs before, and her friend somewhat believed her. (-_-") He believed her to the extend that when she confessed that she was actually lying, he wouldn't believe her confession. Backfired prank huh? lol. 

My mother was also quite a prankster. She played a prank on me when I was still in Form 6 by asking me to try a pansuh that she received from her colleague. "It's chicken pansuh" She told me. I was skeptical of her statement but since there's no harm in eating something your own mother brought home, I just tried it. I was clear it was not chicken, but it did not taste like fish either. 

"It's actually snake's meat," She told me, smiling. (-_-")

Besides this light prank, there was one time, circa 2002, my parents and my cousin Mary played a prank on my cousin, Agnes. My cousin Agnes is my adult cousin who was already a mommy that time. Agnes's family and our family wanted to go back to Dalat, so for security, Agnes placed her family car at our home (because we had gates and they didn't). So Agnes, her husband and children went back to Dalat by water transport, which was a speedboat. Since our family were using car to go back to Dalat, Agnes placed some of her things in our car for us which we promised to pass to her that very evening when we reached Dalat. 

We went on with the road trip as planned, but when we reached Mukah, which was about one hour from Dalat, we stopped at Mary's house (PS: Mary is Agnes's older sister), and from there the idea to play a prank on Agnes came up. Mom called Agnes up and told her that we didn't go on a road trip as planned, we were still at Sibu and would only go to Dalat the next evening. So that very moment, Agnes was very angry and disappointed so she called her sister Mary up (who was my mom's partner in crime in this prank) and Agnes told and shared all her disappointments and rage with Mary. After Mary hung up the phone, we all broke into laughter~!

When we reached Dalat that evening, Agnes's husband saw us and was very surprised. He, looking tired, told us that Agnes was very angry and asked him to buy back all the things that she put in our car at the shops. When Agnes found out that it was actually a prank, and her things arrived safely at Dalat with us, she was quite angry but not as angry as before. She just said that "Eee, this prank is just too much! Don't do it again."

Okay. Enough about my family's prank. Let me tell you guys about my own prankster experience.

Yeah this was how Madam Meenon looked like. Sorry for my horrible drawing. (-_-")

When I was about 8 years old, I played a prank on Sharon, my cousin, who was also my  closest playmate during my childhood. We always played downstairs at my old house. One fine day, I was extremely bored, so I decided to play a trick on her. While we were playing, I told Sharon to wait for me downstairs while I ran  upstairs, went to my parents' bedroom and quickly dressed up in my mom's old dress. I wrapped a towel around my head just like a headscarf and wore a pair of sunglasses which I took from my parents' dressing table. Then from upstairs, I shouted my cousin's name and asked her to join me upstairs. Slowly, Sharon climbed the stairs and then she saw me in all those funny clothes.

I quickly approached her and tell her "Hi, I'm Madam Meenon, Maureen's not here." Sharon was speechless. Until now, I think she actually believed me or maybe she thought that Madam Meenon was my alter ego lol. So that moment onwards, she would call me Madam Meenon whenever she sees me in funny clothes and glasses.

When I got older, my prank got nastier. I was about eleven or twelve that time. I shared the same room with my sister Melissa while my eldest sister shared the same room with our cousin Pamela. Pamela is our cousin from Dalat who used to live with us to help out with the house chores. So one day, when Pamela was  showering, I entered their room when nobody was there and hid under their bed (PS, their bed were combined together). When Pamela came in the room alone to change her clothes after showering, I put out my left hand from under the bed and frightened her. Thank God she did not scream and her reaction was merely  "ISH... Baby padu..!" in quite an annoyed tone.

After feeling satisfied with my prank, I planned another prank - now on both Pamela and Michele. Muahaha!

One fine night, I pretended to have a fight with Melissa. Then, I pretended to be really upset and announced to the whole family that I would sleep earlier that night, and locked the door to our room. Actually, I had informed Melissa beforehand that I would lock our bedroom's door for this prank. So after pretending to sleep, I tiptoed to Michele and Pamela's room and let my bedroom's door stayed locked so that nobody would be suspicious. I hid under their bed. There was a gap between their bed and it was that gap that I planned to carry out my prank. Muahaha..!

So, my plan for the prank was this:

This was more or less how my fingers looked like that time.

 I stick the plasticine on my fingernails so that they would look scary. I planned to scare both of them by popping up my hand through the gap between their beds from underneath. Muahahaha. But then, not all prank would go smoothly as planned. While waiting for both of them to come to their bedroom, I fell asleep under their beds.

In the middle of the night, I was suddenly awake. I realized that I fell asleep and I heard both Michele and Pamela were still having a conversation on the bed with the lights off (you know, the before sleeping conversation). So in the middle of their conversation, I popped up my hand from  the gap between their beds and trying to make a scary sound but since I just woke up, my supposedly scary voice was hoarse instead. 

"What??" Both of them were kinda shocked. To my disappointment, they didn't scream  loudly like how I imagined they would. 

"She did it again!" Pamela said and both of them asked me to go back to my room and sleep. I went back to my room obediently, and although the outcome of the prank was not as good as I imagined it would be, at least  the outcome of the prank was quite a consolation.

During my university years, the pranks that I played were merely like hiding somebody's branded bag uhuk Joe uhuk, hacking someone's facebook status uhuk Mark uhuk, pretending to quarrel with Melissa during April Fool and uhuk Step uhuk Ebeth uhuk believed it lol. These were the pranks that I played and  I still think that they weren't enough.

But pranks do have a few rules. One, we cannot simply play pranks on people without knowing their health condition, whether they had histeria, heart attack or something. Two, we have to find a suitable prank for different people, according to their personality, their history etc. Maybe on my future post, I would share with y'all about the rules and regulation (sounds formal, right? adui!) of playing a prank on people.

Wow this sudden craving for pranks made me miss Ashton Kutcher's Punk'd episodes. I wish I could have a camera to record all the pranks I played before. MUAHAHAHA.

 So be ready people.. Till the prankster strikes again...! ;)

The History of a Practising Prankster

I LOVE to play prank. I used to play a lot of pranks on people and  sometimes even on my pets. I am not sure if this hobby had something to do with the fact that I was born on 11th April (which was dubbed as double fool day by my sista) but I guess my family loooove to prank people, especially me and my siblings. 

I remember one April Fool's Day, when my eldest sister Michele was still  12, she played a prank on her friend by presenting him with lizard's dropping wrapped in a bunch of papers. (-_-") Her friend was really disgusted. Score!

And my second sister Melissa was very good at shocking people and also keeping a straight face when making up stories. She always tricked me by popping in front of me out of nowhere with her long hair covering her face - gosh I always jumped out of my skin whenever she did that. Besides that prank, she tricked a lot of her friends too. One memorable prank that she played on her friend was the one where she made up stories about herself trying drugs before, and her friend somewhat believed her. (-_-") He believed her to the extend that when she confessed that she was actually lying, he wouldn't believe her confession. Backfired prank huh? lol. 

My mother was also quite a prankster. She played a prank on me when I was still in Form 6 by asking me to try a pansuh that she received from her colleague. "It's chicken pansuh" She told me. I was skeptical of her statement but since there's no harm in eating something your own mother brought home, I just tried it. I was clear it was not chicken, but it did not taste like fish either. 

"It's actually snake's meat," She told me, smiling. (-_-")

Besides this light prank, there was one time, circa 2002, my parents and my cousin Mary played a prank on my cousin, Agnes. My cousin Agnes is my adult cousin who was already a mommy that time. Agnes's family and our family wanted to go back to Dalat, so for security, Agnes placed her family car at our home (because we had gates and they didn't). So Agnes, her husband and children went back to Dalat by water transport, which was a speedboat. Since our family were using car to go back to Dalat, Agnes placed some of her things in our car for us which we promised to pass to her that very evening when we reached Dalat. 

We went on with the road trip as planned, but when we reached Mukah, which was about one hour from Dalat, we stopped at Mary's house (PS: Mary is Agnes's older sister), and from there the idea to play a prank on Agnes came up. Mom called Agnes up and told her that we didn't go on a road trip as planned, we were still at Sibu and would only go to Dalat the next evening. So that very moment, Agnes was very angry and disappointed so she called her sister Mary up (who was my mom's partner in crime in this prank) and Agnes told and shared all her disappointments and rage with Mary. After Mary hung up the phone, we all broke into laughter~!

When we reached Dalat that evening, Agnes's husband saw us and was very surprised. He, looking tired, told us that Agnes was very angry and asked him to buy back all the things that she put in our car at the shops. When Agnes found out that it was actually a prank, and her things arrived safely at Dalat with us, she was quite angry but not as angry as before. She just said that "Eee, this prank is just too much! Don't do it again."

Okay. Enough about my family's prank. Let me tell you guys about my own prankster experience.

Yeah this was how Madam Meenon looked like. Sorry for my horrible drawing. (-_-")

When I was about 8 years old, I played a prank on Sharon, my cousin, who was also my  closest playmate during my childhood. We always played downstairs at my old house. One fine day, I was extremely bored, so I decided to play a trick on her. While we were playing, I told Sharon to wait for me downstairs while I ran  upstairs, went to my parents' bedroom and quickly dressed up in my mom's old dress. I wrapped a towel around my head just like a headscarf and wore a pair of sunglasses which I took from my parents' dressing table. Then from upstairs, I shouted my cousin's name and asked her to join me upstairs. Slowly, Sharon climbed the stairs and then she saw me in all those funny clothes.

I quickly approached her and tell her "Hi, I'm Madam Meenon, Maureen's not here." Sharon was speechless. Until now, I think she actually believed me or maybe she thought that Madam Meenon was my alter ego lol. So that moment onwards, she would call me Madam Meenon whenever she sees me in funny clothes and glasses.

When I got older, my prank got nastier. I was about eleven or twelve that time. I shared the same room with my sister Melissa while my eldest sister shared the same room with our cousin Pamela. Pamela is our cousin from Dalat who used to live with us to help out with the house chores. So one day, when Pamela was  showering, I entered their room when nobody was there and hid under their bed (PS, their bed were combined together). When Pamela came in the room alone to change her clothes after showering, I put out my left hand from under the bed and frightened her. Thank God she did not scream and her reaction was merely  "ISH... Baby padu..!" in quite an annoyed tone.

After feeling satisfied with my prank, I planned another prank - now on both Pamela and Michele. Muahaha!

One fine night, I pretended to have a fight with Melissa. Then, I pretended to be really upset and announced to the whole family that I would sleep earlier that night, and locked the door to our room. Actually, I had informed Melissa beforehand that I would lock our bedroom's door for this prank. So after pretending to sleep, I tiptoed to Michele and Pamela's room and let my bedroom's door stayed locked so that nobody would be suspicious. I hid under their bed. There was a gap between their bed and it was that gap that I planned to carry out my prank. Muahaha..!

So, my plan for the prank was this:

This was more or less how my fingers looked like that time.

 I stick the plasticine on my fingernails so that they would look scary. I planned to scare both of them by popping up my hand through the gap between their beds from underneath. Muahahaha. But then, not all prank would go smoothly as planned. While waiting for both of them to come to their bedroom, I fell asleep under their beds.

In the middle of the night, I was suddenly awake. I realized that I fell asleep and I heard both Michele and Pamela were still having a conversation on the bed with the lights off (you know, the before sleeping conversation). So in the middle of their conversation, I popped up my hand from  the gap between their beds and trying to make a scary sound but since I just woke up, my supposedly scary voice was hoarse instead. 

"What??" Both of them were kinda shocked. To my disappointment, they didn't scream  loudly like how I imagined they would. 

"She did it again!" Pamela said and both of them asked me to go back to my room and sleep. I went back to my room obediently, and although the outcome of the prank was not as good as I imagined it would be, at least  the outcome of the prank was quite a consolation.

During my university years, the pranks that I played were merely like hiding somebody's branded bag uhuk Joe uhuk, hacking someone's facebook status uhuk Mark uhuk, pretending to quarrel with Melissa during April Fool and uhuk Step uhuk Ebeth uhuk believed it lol. These were the pranks that I played and  I still think that they weren't enough.

But pranks do have a few rules. One, we cannot simply play pranks on people without knowing their health condition, whether they had histeria, heart attack or something. Two, we have to find a suitable prank for different people, according to their personality, their history etc. Maybe on my future post, I would share with y'all about the rules and regulation (sounds formal, right? adui!) of playing a prank on people.

Wow this sudden craving for pranks made me miss Ashton Kutcher's Punk'd episodes. I wish I could have a camera to record all the pranks I played before. MUAHAHAHA.

 So be ready people.. Till the prankster strikes again...! ;)

Blessing in Disguise?

Interframe: I got confused with English tenses a lot. Here's a page which might be useful. (Hey did i use/used the right tense for this sentence? Hmmm..)

 Although I left the university for about two months already, the sleep-late-wake-up-late lifestyle of a university student kinda stuck with me. Thanks to the online activity and late night shows on tv, I never fail to wake up later than 8.30 am every single day. Sometimes I went to the extent of waking up at 10 am if my sleep was interrupted earlier.

Besides waking up late, I never miss my afternoon nap.

That was why, yesterday, during my afternoon nap in the living room, I could hear my mother and grandma gossiping about me in Melanau. [I don't know why, but this is my parents' and grandmother's habit. They speak in Melanau among themselves but when they speak to us (the children), they switched to Hokkien.]

"How can she still feel sleepy when she woke up so late?" Mom wondered aloud. "I woke up a lot earlier, went to work, yet did not take a nap."

"She slept very late last night," Grandma responded. "Not just last night, every night. Don't know what she was doing so late at night."

Grandma's bedroom is located at downstairs, so she knew how late I stayed awake every night though she was asleep. Grandma had a habit to wake up in the middle of the night to visit the toilet, and everytime she wakes up, she would see me still wide awake at the living room, sitting in front of my laptop, busy online.(Ahem)

"Not a good habit at all," Mom and Grandma both agreed about my negative habit.

"Makel angai tan," Mom added, which means 'very lazy' in Melanau.

Because I was too sleepy that time, I had no energy to be defensive or to justify my sleep late habit. So I just let it go.

That very night, which was last night, as usual, I carried on with my sleep late habit. I was still wide awake at 11 pm something. I never sleep earlier than 12 am, so 11 pm was kinda early for me, but for my parents and grandmother, it is considered late. Very late.

As usual, my Grandma woke up in the middle of her sleep, but instead of walking to the toilet, she walked towards me and asked me to read the name of the pills that she brought to me.

"What pills are these?" She asked me while showing me the pack of yellow coloured pills.

There were no indications on the pills' package so I told grandma I didn't know what type of pills they were. Then she walked back into her bedroom.

A few seconds later, I heard a LOUD CRASH, it sounded like the table fan was falling.

I quickly ran into her bedroom, saw her collapsed on the table, thus causing the table fan to fall off the table.

"Ah Ma, what happened?" I was so shocked, the question was almost a whisper. She was conscious, but then, she was very weak. She could not stand up.

I was so panic. 

While I put both my hands to support both her arms, suddenly she was kinda... unconscious.

"Ah Ma?" My panicmeter was rising.I shook her shoulders but she wasn't responding.

"AH MA! PAPA! MAMA!" I was shouting from downstairs but my efforts was in vain. So instead of calling my parents, I resorted to calling Ah Ma again and again.

After calling Ah Ma a few times, she was conscious again. PHEW~

"I'm having stomach ache. I think it must be because of the pineapple. I wanted to find the medicine, but couldn't find it. Very painful," she said weakly.  Although those were not comforting words, I was relieved because Ah Ma was finally conscious. I asked Ah Ma to rest on her bed while I ran off to my parents' bedroom, asking them for assistance to find the right medicine for Grandma.

Finally, Ah Ma ate her medicine, she was feeling better, and I slept with her that night.

This afternoon, I had my nap again, as usual, but  quite unusual, nobody gossip/scolded me anymore. Maybe, they realized, this sleep late lifestyle is not that negative after all. At least, I could function like a night security guard... Err.. Not that I want this thing to happen twice *touch wood*. Just a precaution.

Blessing in Disguise?

Interframe: I got confused with English tenses a lot. Here's a page which might be useful. (Hey did i use/used the right tense for this sentence? Hmmm..)

 Although I left the university for about two months already, the sleep-late-wake-up-late lifestyle of a university student kinda stuck with me. Thanks to the online activity and late night shows on tv, I never fail to wake up later than 8.30 am every single day. Sometimes I went to the extent of waking up at 10 am if my sleep was interrupted earlier.

Besides waking up late, I never miss my afternoon nap.

That was why, yesterday, during my afternoon nap in the living room, I could hear my mother and grandma gossiping about me in Melanau. [I don't know why, but this is my parents' and grandmother's habit. They speak in Melanau among themselves but when they speak to us (the children), they switched to Hokkien.]

"How can she still feel sleepy when she woke up so late?" Mom wondered aloud. "I woke up a lot earlier, went to work, yet did not take a nap."

"She slept very late last night," Grandma responded. "Not just last night, every night. Don't know what she was doing so late at night."

Grandma's bedroom is located at downstairs, so she knew how late I stayed awake every night though she was asleep. Grandma had a habit to wake up in the middle of the night to visit the toilet, and everytime she wakes up, she would see me still wide awake at the living room, sitting in front of my laptop, busy online.(Ahem)

"Not a good habit at all," Mom and Grandma both agreed about my negative habit.

"Makel angai tan," Mom added, which means 'very lazy' in Melanau.

Because I was too sleepy that time, I had no energy to be defensive or to justify my sleep late habit. So I just let it go.

That very night, which was last night, as usual, I carried on with my sleep late habit. I was still wide awake at 11 pm something. I never sleep earlier than 12 am, so 11 pm was kinda early for me, but for my parents and grandmother, it is considered late. Very late.

As usual, my Grandma woke up in the middle of her sleep, but instead of walking to the toilet, she walked towards me and asked me to read the name of the pills that she brought to me.

"What pills are these?" She asked me while showing me the pack of yellow coloured pills.

There were no indications on the pills' package so I told grandma I didn't know what type of pills they were. Then she walked back into her bedroom.

A few seconds later, I heard a LOUD CRASH, it sounded like the table fan was falling.

I quickly ran into her bedroom, saw her collapsed on the table, thus causing the table fan to fall off the table.

"Ah Ma, what happened?" I was so shocked, the question was almost a whisper. She was conscious, but then, she was very weak. She could not stand up.

I was so panic. 

While I put both my hands to support both her arms, suddenly she was kinda... unconscious.

"Ah Ma?" My panicmeter was rising.I shook her shoulders but she wasn't responding.

"AH MA! PAPA! MAMA!" I was shouting from downstairs but my efforts was in vain. So instead of calling my parents, I resorted to calling Ah Ma again and again.

After calling Ah Ma a few times, she was conscious again. PHEW~

"I'm having stomach ache. I think it must be because of the pineapple. I wanted to find the medicine, but couldn't find it. Very painful," she said weakly.  Although those were not comforting words, I was relieved because Ah Ma was finally conscious. I asked Ah Ma to rest on her bed while I ran off to my parents' bedroom, asking them for assistance to find the right medicine for Grandma.

Finally, Ah Ma ate her medicine, she was feeling better, and I slept with her that night.

This afternoon, I had my nap again, as usual, but  quite unusual, nobody gossip/scolded me anymore. Maybe, they realized, this sleep late lifestyle is not that negative after all. At least, I could function like a night security guard... Err.. Not that I want this thing to happen twice *touch wood*. Just a precaution.

KALAU AKU BOLEH LAMBUNG SYILING DESTINY...

 Interframe: Sari berita utama. SK St Mary (bekas sekolah rendah yours truly) telah keluar berita dalam The Borneo Post berikutan satu insiden. Nak tahu dengan lebih lanjut, sila klik link ini. Tak sangka kan? Huhu.

Orang kata, jangan tolak rezeki. Well... Itulah kata-kata hikmat pertama yang muncul dalam fikiranku ketika menerima panggilan dari Mama untuk memberitahuku tentang tawaran kerja untuk menjadi guru ganti selama kira-kira dua bulan. Di Sibu. Di sebuah sekolah rendah, yang mana murid-muridnya terdiri daripada lelaki semuanya. (Disclaimer: Nama sekolah dirahsiakan supaya tiada paparazzi mengekori saya sekiranya saya confirm untuk mengajar di sana kelak) 

Tapi, berkata tentang rezeki, mestikah benda yang lebih lumayan tu lebih BERrezeki? 

Biasanya dalam konteks masyarakat masa kini, ramai akan mengiyakan soalan di atas. Especially kalau rezeki tu datang dalam bentuk pekerjaan sementara. Sebab tu kerja sementara, tak minat pun tak apa. Janji lumayan. Sebab bukannya kamu akan buat kerja tu seumur hidup la kan?

Dan dalam kes aku, rezeki selalu datang tanpa diduga. Rezeki datang ketika aku belum bersedia. Rezeki datang ketika aku dah ada pelan. Masa aku belum ada pelan, macam takde satu habuk pun tawaran kerja. Tapi pabila aku dah ada sedikit perancangan, Rezeki pula sibuk nak datang nak bagi aku dilemma. 

Sengaja membuatku terpaksa membuat pilihan antara dia (rezeki) ataupun dengan keinginan hati. 

Ok, berbalik kepada cerita tadi.

Mula-mula aku dengar suara excited mama melalui handphone miniku, aku mulai bimbang. Mesti ada sesuatu ni. Ah.. Jangan pula.. Bukan itu.. Bukan itu..

Dan apabila beliau akhirnya memberitahu hal tersebut kepadaku, aku dah agak dah... Memang itu dia.

TAWARAN UNTUK MENJADI GURU GANTI LAGI.

Tiada mana-mana berita yang dapat menggembirakan Mama lebih daripada berita kekosongan untuk jawatan guru di mana-mana sekolah di Sibu. Serius tiada.

Guru ganti? Fikirku.

Di bawah merupakan subtitle perbualanku dengan Mama.

PERBUALAN PERTAMA:  

Aku: Eeeee, Ma... saya akan berada di Sibu untuk satu bulan ja. Mana dapat jadi guru ganti. Huhu.

Mama: Ai, jangan risau. Jadi guru ganti selama lebih kurang dua bulan je. Tu pun di sekolah *insert nama*. Guru besar dia bagitau kat saya ada kekosongan sebab gurunya nak bersalin. Guru besar tu sendiri yang nak awak jadi pengganti cikgu tu..

Aku: .....

Mama: Lagipun kalau guna sijil Form 6, gaji awak lumayan tau. At least RM 1000 ++. Itupun masih belum termasuk allowance lagi.

Aku: Eeeee, tapi saya dah janji dengan Mel nak jadi assistant untuk research dia kat Penang. (yesh, akhirnya dapat cari alasan muahahahha)

Mama: Takpa, nanti saya bagitau kat Mel. 

Aku: Tapi, aku tak tau la Mama. Aku lebih berminat nak kerja dengan NGO yang ada kat Penang ni.

Mama: Ala.. Dua bulan ja. Lepas dua bulan tu, bolehlah awak buat kerja awak kat Penang tu. Dua bulan awak kat sini dulu.

Aku: Erm... Bagi saya masa untuk fikir dulu ye.. Saya kena survey dulu kerja kat sini.

Mama: Ok. Tapi lebih baik confirm cepat ah. Sebab guru besar tu suruh kami isi borang permohonan jadi guru ganti untuk awak.

Aku: Okay. (-_-")

Line mati. 

Aku buntu. Mencari cara untuk membuat keputusan hidup mati ni.

Cara pertama aku memikirkan dilemma ini adalah dengan meng-update status di Facebook. (Ahem) Biasanya status ni berunsur kabur, tidak ada statement yang spesifik dan bermula dengan frasa "Dear God..."

Cara kedua, aku mengenang keadaan dulu. Fikir balik macam mana keadaannya aku menjadi guru sandaran selama 6 bulan di sekolah lamaku, St Mary dulu. Ada saat manis, ada saat pahit. Ada suka, ada duka. Ahhhh... Masih tak dapat buat keputusan.

Cara ketiga, aku fb mesej senior aku yang kerja di NGO yang aku minat tu. Mintak tolong dia untuk tanya kekosongan bagi pihakku. Kalau ada kekosongan untuk part time atau kerja sementara untuk 3 bulan, aku ON jer. Kalau tiada, aku pilih tawaran Mama. Ha, pandai tak? (sempat aku memuji diriku di dalam hati)

Cara keempat, aku bercerita dengan kawan baikku, Hawa, time pergi dinner. Di jejantas RST dan di meja makan Ismail Ikan Bakarlah tempat aku memberitahu Hawa tentang perasaan dilemma yang mengganggu jiwaku ini. Kata Hawa, bertuah saya dapat tawaran macam tu. (ini lebih kurang apa yang dikatakan oleh beliau. Hehe. Sori kalau ada unsur tokok tambah hoho) Tapi entahlah, aku tak rasa aku sesuai untuk kerja ajar-mengajar ni.

Cara kelima, call Mama balik. Tanya dia balik dengan sure apa mata pelajaran yang perlu diajar. Dan benda-benda serius yang lain.

PERBUALAN KEDUA:

Mama: Oh, ajar Matematik Tahun 1 dan Tahun 2. Pastu ajar Pendidikan Moral. (macam best ja dengar subjek-subjek tu)

Aku: Ma.. bila kena confirm? Saya confirm hari Jumaat boleh?

Mama: Ok. Tapi kenapa kena fikir?

Aku: Ala.. Sebab esok baru senior saya dapat bagitau saya sama ada NGO tu ada kekosongan ke tak.. Dan lepas esok baru saya dapat bagitau awak saya dapat mengajar ke tak.

Mama: Ok. Tapi kerja lah kat sini. Guru besar tu baik. Kalau awak reject offer ni, nanti malulah saya. 

Aku: Awak suruhla orang lain. Ada banyak orang mau kerja itu.

Mama: Ala. Dia mau awak. Sebab guru besar tu kenalan mama. (PS: Dalam mencari kerja, connection tu penting, lecturer saya pernah kata)

Aku: Ok. Tapi awak tau la, mesti saya ada masalah nak biasakan diri. Saya mesti susah nak bergaul dengan guru lain.

Mama: Jangan awak risau. Guru-guru di mission school biasanya tak sombong dan sangat friendly. (Tapi kenapa kakak sulung pula sentiasa komplen pasal cikgu yang poyo kat SMK St A******, Sarikei?)

Aku: Ha.. satu lagi. Transport tu bagaimana? Papa kan guna kereta... Dan.. Dan... Saya kan memang pengecut kalau pasal nak memandu kereta.

Mama: Ala, dekat je sekolah Sacred Heart tu. Awak guna jalan terminal Sibu gi sana, ok apa.. Papa cakap awak boleh guna kereta tu time mengajar. Papa awak kata, gaji awak sebagai guru ganti pun lebih lumayan daripada gaji colleague dia yang dah kerja berapa tahun.

Aku: (-_-") (dah habis stok alasan, so takde pilihan maka keluar statement tak boleh blah) Aku tak suka mengajar... Huwaa~

Mama: Hmm.. Dah bagus dah guru besar tu offer. Nanti apa saya nak cakap kalau awak tak nak? Dia memang dah beriya-iya nak awak jadi guru ganti tu. Mana saya berani nak tegur dia lagi lepas peristiwa ni? (lebih kurang macam ni statementnya)

Aku: Eeeee.. Awak memang selalu begini. Oklah. Oklah. Nanti saya mesej senior saya, suruh dia tak payah survey kekosongan untuk saya. Kamurang yang di Sibu sila isi borang permohonan untuk saya lah.

Mama: (seriously aku boleh DENGAR senyuman Mama) Ok. Ok. Kan. Baik awak buat kerja ni dulu. Dengar kata family.

Aku: Okay. okay. Baiklah.

Aku mesej senior aku, cancel plan nak survey kekosongan di NGO yang diminati itu.

Eh. Bila fikir balik, kenapa aku dah start worry tentang benda ni sedangkan aku belum lagi duduk periksa untuk first paper FINAL?

Haiz.. (-_-")

Aku harap aku buat keputusan yang betul.

Lambung syiling.

Kepala (otak) atau bunga (hati) ?

Kepala.

(-_-")

Yea, dan keputusan itulah yang saya ambik.

KALAU AKU BOLEH LAMBUNG SYILING DESTINY...

 Interframe: Sari berita utama. SK St Mary (bekas sekolah rendah yours truly) telah keluar berita dalam The Borneo Post berikutan satu insiden. Nak tahu dengan lebih lanjut, sila klik link ini. Tak sangka kan? Huhu.

Orang kata, jangan tolak rezeki. Well... Itulah kata-kata hikmat pertama yang muncul dalam fikiranku ketika menerima panggilan dari Mama untuk memberitahuku tentang tawaran kerja untuk menjadi guru ganti selama kira-kira dua bulan. Di Sibu. Di sebuah sekolah rendah, yang mana murid-muridnya terdiri daripada lelaki semuanya. (Disclaimer: Nama sekolah dirahsiakan supaya tiada paparazzi mengekori saya sekiranya saya confirm untuk mengajar di sana kelak) 

Tapi, berkata tentang rezeki, mestikah benda yang lebih lumayan tu lebih BERrezeki? 

Biasanya dalam konteks masyarakat masa kini, ramai akan mengiyakan soalan di atas. Especially kalau rezeki tu datang dalam bentuk pekerjaan sementara. Sebab tu kerja sementara, tak minat pun tak apa. Janji lumayan. Sebab bukannya kamu akan buat kerja tu seumur hidup la kan?

Dan dalam kes aku, rezeki selalu datang tanpa diduga. Rezeki datang ketika aku belum bersedia. Rezeki datang ketika aku dah ada pelan. Masa aku belum ada pelan, macam takde satu habuk pun tawaran kerja. Tapi pabila aku dah ada sedikit perancangan, Rezeki pula sibuk nak datang nak bagi aku dilemma. 

Sengaja membuatku terpaksa membuat pilihan antara dia (rezeki) ataupun dengan keinginan hati. 

Ok, berbalik kepada cerita tadi.

Mula-mula aku dengar suara excited mama melalui handphone miniku, aku mulai bimbang. Mesti ada sesuatu ni. Ah.. Jangan pula.. Bukan itu.. Bukan itu..

Dan apabila beliau akhirnya memberitahu hal tersebut kepadaku, aku dah agak dah... Memang itu dia.

TAWARAN UNTUK MENJADI GURU GANTI LAGI.

Tiada mana-mana berita yang dapat menggembirakan Mama lebih daripada berita kekosongan untuk jawatan guru di mana-mana sekolah di Sibu. Serius tiada.

Guru ganti? Fikirku.

Di bawah merupakan subtitle perbualanku dengan Mama.

PERBUALAN PERTAMA:  

Aku: Eeeee, Ma... saya akan berada di Sibu untuk satu bulan ja. Mana dapat jadi guru ganti. Huhu.

Mama: Ai, jangan risau. Jadi guru ganti selama lebih kurang dua bulan je. Tu pun di sekolah *insert nama*. Guru besar dia bagitau kat saya ada kekosongan sebab gurunya nak bersalin. Guru besar tu sendiri yang nak awak jadi pengganti cikgu tu..

Aku: .....

Mama: Lagipun kalau guna sijil Form 6, gaji awak lumayan tau. At least RM 1000 ++. Itupun masih belum termasuk allowance lagi.

Aku: Eeeee, tapi saya dah janji dengan Mel nak jadi assistant untuk research dia kat Penang. (yesh, akhirnya dapat cari alasan muahahahha)

Mama: Takpa, nanti saya bagitau kat Mel. 

Aku: Tapi, aku tak tau la Mama. Aku lebih berminat nak kerja dengan NGO yang ada kat Penang ni.

Mama: Ala.. Dua bulan ja. Lepas dua bulan tu, bolehlah awak buat kerja awak kat Penang tu. Dua bulan awak kat sini dulu.

Aku: Erm... Bagi saya masa untuk fikir dulu ye.. Saya kena survey dulu kerja kat sini.

Mama: Ok. Tapi lebih baik confirm cepat ah. Sebab guru besar tu suruh kami isi borang permohonan jadi guru ganti untuk awak.

Aku: Okay. (-_-")

Line mati. 

Aku buntu. Mencari cara untuk membuat keputusan hidup mati ni.

Cara pertama aku memikirkan dilemma ini adalah dengan meng-update status di Facebook. (Ahem) Biasanya status ni berunsur kabur, tidak ada statement yang spesifik dan bermula dengan frasa "Dear God..."

Cara kedua, aku mengenang keadaan dulu. Fikir balik macam mana keadaannya aku menjadi guru sandaran selama 6 bulan di sekolah lamaku, St Mary dulu. Ada saat manis, ada saat pahit. Ada suka, ada duka. Ahhhh... Masih tak dapat buat keputusan.

Cara ketiga, aku fb mesej senior aku yang kerja di NGO yang aku minat tu. Mintak tolong dia untuk tanya kekosongan bagi pihakku. Kalau ada kekosongan untuk part time atau kerja sementara untuk 3 bulan, aku ON jer. Kalau tiada, aku pilih tawaran Mama. Ha, pandai tak? (sempat aku memuji diriku di dalam hati)

Cara keempat, aku bercerita dengan kawan baikku, Hawa, time pergi dinner. Di jejantas RST dan di meja makan Ismail Ikan Bakarlah tempat aku memberitahu Hawa tentang perasaan dilemma yang mengganggu jiwaku ini. Kata Hawa, bertuah saya dapat tawaran macam tu. (ini lebih kurang apa yang dikatakan oleh beliau. Hehe. Sori kalau ada unsur tokok tambah hoho) Tapi entahlah, aku tak rasa aku sesuai untuk kerja ajar-mengajar ni.

Cara kelima, call Mama balik. Tanya dia balik dengan sure apa mata pelajaran yang perlu diajar. Dan benda-benda serius yang lain.

PERBUALAN KEDUA:

Mama: Oh, ajar Matematik Tahun 1 dan Tahun 2. Pastu ajar Pendidikan Moral. (macam best ja dengar subjek-subjek tu)

Aku: Ma.. bila kena confirm? Saya confirm hari Jumaat boleh?

Mama: Ok. Tapi kenapa kena fikir?

Aku: Ala.. Sebab esok baru senior saya dapat bagitau saya sama ada NGO tu ada kekosongan ke tak.. Dan lepas esok baru saya dapat bagitau awak saya dapat mengajar ke tak.

Mama: Ok. Tapi kerja lah kat sini. Guru besar tu baik. Kalau awak reject offer ni, nanti malulah saya. 

Aku: Awak suruhla orang lain. Ada banyak orang mau kerja itu.

Mama: Ala. Dia mau awak. Sebab guru besar tu kenalan mama. (PS: Dalam mencari kerja, connection tu penting, lecturer saya pernah kata)

Aku: Ok. Tapi awak tau la, mesti saya ada masalah nak biasakan diri. Saya mesti susah nak bergaul dengan guru lain.

Mama: Jangan awak risau. Guru-guru di mission school biasanya tak sombong dan sangat friendly. (Tapi kenapa kakak sulung pula sentiasa komplen pasal cikgu yang poyo kat SMK St A******, Sarikei?)

Aku: Ha.. satu lagi. Transport tu bagaimana? Papa kan guna kereta... Dan.. Dan... Saya kan memang pengecut kalau pasal nak memandu kereta.

Mama: Ala, dekat je sekolah Sacred Heart tu. Awak guna jalan terminal Sibu gi sana, ok apa.. Papa cakap awak boleh guna kereta tu time mengajar. Papa awak kata, gaji awak sebagai guru ganti pun lebih lumayan daripada gaji colleague dia yang dah kerja berapa tahun.

Aku: (-_-") (dah habis stok alasan, so takde pilihan maka keluar statement tak boleh blah) Aku tak suka mengajar... Huwaa~

Mama: Hmm.. Dah bagus dah guru besar tu offer. Nanti apa saya nak cakap kalau awak tak nak? Dia memang dah beriya-iya nak awak jadi guru ganti tu. Mana saya berani nak tegur dia lagi lepas peristiwa ni? (lebih kurang macam ni statementnya)

Aku: Eeeee.. Awak memang selalu begini. Oklah. Oklah. Nanti saya mesej senior saya, suruh dia tak payah survey kekosongan untuk saya. Kamurang yang di Sibu sila isi borang permohonan untuk saya lah.

Mama: (seriously aku boleh DENGAR senyuman Mama) Ok. Ok. Kan. Baik awak buat kerja ni dulu. Dengar kata family.

Aku: Okay. okay. Baiklah.

Aku mesej senior aku, cancel plan nak survey kekosongan di NGO yang diminati itu.

Eh. Bila fikir balik, kenapa aku dah start worry tentang benda ni sedangkan aku belum lagi duduk periksa untuk first paper FINAL?

Haiz.. (-_-")

Aku harap aku buat keputusan yang betul.

Lambung syiling.

Kepala (otak) atau bunga (hati) ?

Kepala.

(-_-")

Yea, dan keputusan itulah yang saya ambik.

I Wish She Knew....

There's one saying which goes like this...

Sometimes, it's safer for you to SHOW your love for someone who needed you more.

Maybe, that was why, my Mom kinda always talked about me, or showed her love towards me. Because obviously, I needed her more. Being the youngest, the most dependent, and the most unpopular among the Chua sisters at our hometown, I always berkepit with Mama especially when we go to church or the other social activities such as BEC gatherings. It was easier for her to control me compared to my other siblings.

When I saw the comment my sista put on our friend's blog:

sama la nasib tua... dahla anak ngah. huwaa~~

hehe, parents aku pun paling cayak ngan aku. biasanya seminggu pertama jak wori naik lori mun aku berjauhan. kak ya, ala... asalnya agik idup ok la.
mun adik aku lain ceta. mesti sentiasa dijaga. yala, jauh2 nya pegi naik belon, pun tetap mesti ada penjaga kan? (now, Baby, xyah sebok nak argue. u memang perlukan penjaga at least pada mulanya). tak macam diriku, kena tinggal di sini, sukati ku la camne mok survive.

aku pun suspek mak aku paling sayang adik aku. bapak aku paling sayang kakak aku. time ku kecik, nenek paling sayang aku (antara mak bapak la - bukan bermakna beliau paling sayang cucu beliau ini. huhu).
sbb bila mak cita pasal adik mesti nya senyum2... lam keta, ku dengar jak la. ttg kakak, nya cita mesti ada marah sikit2. ttg aku, cam xda cita pun... T_T 

I beg to differ.
 
First of all, aku datang Penang sorang-sorang k.. Jangan ko lupa.. Takde orang lain melainkan Kak Niza datang sambut aku. Takde Kak Anas mereka semua. 

Ok, move on to the next point.

I remember when I had my usual pencarian uban session with my mother, my mother would always talk about both my sistas, especially about Mel since we were together at Penang. Sometimes, she went to the extend of trying to korek-korek something about Mel from me (eg: her relationship, her financial, etc), but then Mel, don't worry, you can heave a sigh of relief, cause I told Mama that "Nothing la.." or a simple "I don't know."

When we went for New Year celebration on the 31st December last year with our relatives at my cousin's house, all my mother could talk about was Melissa, because she was like the best among our sistas, and the one that most of my relatives could relate to. She kept saying to Che Che Mary, our cousin from Mukah, who is already married with four children, that Melissa has recovered from her migraine. She was really grateful to Che Che Mary for curing Melissa.

And she was proud when Che Che Mary said that Melissa would have a bright future because Che Che Mary had a gift of curing people and she also has a gift of knowing people's future by praying over them.  Yeah, our cousin Che Che Mary was a very holy person and many of our acquaintances had consulted her to cure them for their sickness. But I digressed. When we were celebrating the new year there, I sensed that, even I was there to celebrate with them in flesh and blood, all they could talk about was Melissa, even though she was absent. I felt invisible. At first, my evil side felt unsatisfied. What? Mel chose to hang out with her friends over us but all you guys could talk about was her? *Jealous mode on* But then my angel side assured me saying that it was okay. At least when they talked about Mel, they would not notice how invisible I was. I  realized that I had nothing to contribute to their conversation, except for the time when Mama asked me to pluck one uban a.k.a white hair  from Che Che Agnes's hair. And that was it.

Even Michele did have a good conversation with them, but NOT me.

That was not the only time Mama talked about Mel. When Melissa's friend came to our house to wait for her to get ready before they hang out together with their gang, Mama and me entertained this Melissa's friend and told him stories about Melissa. That time, our beloved kitten, Deetat (in Melanau, it means Manja) was playing at the living room. Mama said to Mel's friend, Adler (bukan nama sebenar) that Melissa saw the kitten from somewhere around the neighbourhood and brought it back home. The way Mama said it, she was depicting that Mel was really a compassionate  and loving person. After that, we served Adler with the cake that Melissa made. I felt like Mama was promoting her middle daughter lol. But that was what Mama felt about Mel. She was  very proud of her, but she never really show it in front of her. She felt more comfortable to praise her daughter behind her back. 

That time, I didn't know where to hide my face because I realized that I had no function in the family. I had no contribution. It was if the family could survive without me. But I assured myself, of course we must talk about Melissa since this guest is her friend. But those words were only to console myself. Most of the times, Papa and Mama would talk about Mel or Michele, but not me. They only talked about me among themselves because I was not as outstanding as the other two.

 When Mama reminisced about our cats, especially our long lost cat, Blacky, she would mention that Blacky would only like Melissa to dukung him but he would feel uncomfortable when the rest of us do that on him. It seems that Mel is the perfect daughter that they had. It seems that Melissa was the daughter that they could depend on. She told me that she let Melissa continued with Master because she knew that Mel could do it. She trusted her. She knew Mel loved to study so much.

Sometimes, Mama would compare Mel to Michele (our eldest sista, oh I wish she would not read this lol), and said that if Mel is at home, she would bake a cake, or a pie, make dadeh, anything to make our stomach full. But when Michele was at home, all she did was watch the TV and brought more DVDs home. (Kesian Michele lol) I was the one to hear all her complains, and to bitch with her about people around us. We had some sort of housewife chit chat. Me? I never bake even a biscuit for them lol.

 Perhaps she would complain that Melissa was barely at home, but that was what mothers do. They wanted their children to be by their side. Melissa knew how to cook, Melissa knew how to bake, Melissa knew how to drive, Melissa knew how to handle the cats, bla bla bla, Melissa this, Melissa that.  Sometimes, I didn't even dare to feel jealous, instead I agreed because I liked the cake that she made.. And more often than not, I felt embarrassed because it seems like I have nothing to be talked about.I felt like an underdog, even in the eyes of my parents. But I just kept quiet, because despite being such a loser, my family still loved me.

But sometimes, I wish I could contribute to their pride. Do something like my sister to make them proud. I never really made them proud, except academically, when I received the certificates for being the best student in Bahasa Malaysia during my Form 6. But then, Mama would take the credit and said "Ha.. if it wasn't for me who asked you to continue with Form 6, then you wouldn't be able to experience this thing right?"

And yeah, I agreed. My success, it was motivated from my mother.

But Mel's success, it was more of her own motivation.

That was why, sometimes, Mama needed to give more attention to me because.. it's hard to say this, but she didn't really trust me compared to Mel. She even asked me "If you only get  a degree, with your course, I don't know how your future will be like."

So Mel, just so you know, Mama loves you. Very much. But in a different way from how she loves me and Michele. I knew she loves the three of us the same, but the way she shows it was according to our personality. The way she loves Michele, perhaps she complained about her, but despite that, she praised her (again, behind her back). The way she loves you, she knew she could depend on you because you are independent and matured. She was very proud of you. But me, the only thing she could depend on me was to help her pluck her uban and sometimes, she would ask me to be her banker (because my other talent was in menabung lol). She gave her attention to me because she knew that I needed her more than any of you. I was a grown up Baby, and would always be. But you guys my dear sistas, you guys are her hopes. She looked up to you guys, but for me, she still think that she needed to protect me.

And the same goes for Papa. Lol. Papa may look selamba but he would always be proud of us, his three daughters, his Chua descendants.

So, I wish, I just wish that you would not think that you are neglected for being the middle child. Don't you realize that by being the middle child, even in the pictures where we were arranged according to our age, you are the center of the attention?

PS: I noticed that I am being very open  in my blog lately, but this is no family secret. It is important for you to know that your family love you. So jangan harap la aku nak delete post ini. Aku memang muka tebal pon! :P

I Wish She Knew....

There's one saying which goes like this...

Sometimes, it's safer for you to SHOW your love for someone who needed you more.

Maybe, that was why, my Mom kinda always talked about me, or showed her love towards me. Because obviously, I needed her more. Being the youngest, the most dependent, and the most unpopular among the Chua sisters at our hometown, I always berkepit with Mama especially when we go to church or the other social activities such as BEC gatherings. It was easier for her to control me compared to my other siblings.

When I saw the comment my sista put on our friend's blog:

sama la nasib tua... dahla anak ngah. huwaa~~

hehe, parents aku pun paling cayak ngan aku. biasanya seminggu pertama jak wori naik lori mun aku berjauhan. kak ya, ala... asalnya agik idup ok la.
mun adik aku lain ceta. mesti sentiasa dijaga. yala, jauh2 nya pegi naik belon, pun tetap mesti ada penjaga kan? (now, Baby, xyah sebok nak argue. u memang perlukan penjaga at least pada mulanya). tak macam diriku, kena tinggal di sini, sukati ku la camne mok survive.

aku pun suspek mak aku paling sayang adik aku. bapak aku paling sayang kakak aku. time ku kecik, nenek paling sayang aku (antara mak bapak la - bukan bermakna beliau paling sayang cucu beliau ini. huhu).
sbb bila mak cita pasal adik mesti nya senyum2... lam keta, ku dengar jak la. ttg kakak, nya cita mesti ada marah sikit2. ttg aku, cam xda cita pun... T_T 

I beg to differ.
 
First of all, aku datang Penang sorang-sorang k.. Jangan ko lupa.. Takde orang lain melainkan Kak Niza datang sambut aku. Takde Kak Anas mereka semua. 

Ok, move on to the next point.

I remember when I had my usual pencarian uban session with my mother, my mother would always talk about both my sistas, especially about Mel since we were together at Penang. Sometimes, she went to the extend of trying to korek-korek something about Mel from me (eg: her relationship, her financial, etc), but then Mel, don't worry, you can heave a sigh of relief, cause I told Mama that "Nothing la.." or a simple "I don't know."

When we went for New Year celebration on the 31st December last year with our relatives at my cousin's house, all my mother could talk about was Melissa, because she was like the best among our sistas, and the one that most of my relatives could relate to. She kept saying to Che Che Mary, our cousin from Mukah, who is already married with four children, that Melissa has recovered from her migraine. She was really grateful to Che Che Mary for curing Melissa.

And she was proud when Che Che Mary said that Melissa would have a bright future because Che Che Mary had a gift of curing people and she also has a gift of knowing people's future by praying over them.  Yeah, our cousin Che Che Mary was a very holy person and many of our acquaintances had consulted her to cure them for their sickness. But I digressed. When we were celebrating the new year there, I sensed that, even I was there to celebrate with them in flesh and blood, all they could talk about was Melissa, even though she was absent. I felt invisible. At first, my evil side felt unsatisfied. What? Mel chose to hang out with her friends over us but all you guys could talk about was her? *Jealous mode on* But then my angel side assured me saying that it was okay. At least when they talked about Mel, they would not notice how invisible I was. I  realized that I had nothing to contribute to their conversation, except for the time when Mama asked me to pluck one uban a.k.a white hair  from Che Che Agnes's hair. And that was it.

Even Michele did have a good conversation with them, but NOT me.

That was not the only time Mama talked about Mel. When Melissa's friend came to our house to wait for her to get ready before they hang out together with their gang, Mama and me entertained this Melissa's friend and told him stories about Melissa. That time, our beloved kitten, Deetat (in Melanau, it means Manja) was playing at the living room. Mama said to Mel's friend, Adler (bukan nama sebenar) that Melissa saw the kitten from somewhere around the neighbourhood and brought it back home. The way Mama said it, she was depicting that Mel was really a compassionate  and loving person. After that, we served Adler with the cake that Melissa made. I felt like Mama was promoting her middle daughter lol. But that was what Mama felt about Mel. She was  very proud of her, but she never really show it in front of her. She felt more comfortable to praise her daughter behind her back. 

That time, I didn't know where to hide my face because I realized that I had no function in the family. I had no contribution. It was if the family could survive without me. But I assured myself, of course we must talk about Melissa since this guest is her friend. But those words were only to console myself. Most of the times, Papa and Mama would talk about Mel or Michele, but not me. They only talked about me among themselves because I was not as outstanding as the other two.

 When Mama reminisced about our cats, especially our long lost cat, Blacky, she would mention that Blacky would only like Melissa to dukung him but he would feel uncomfortable when the rest of us do that on him. It seems that Mel is the perfect daughter that they had. It seems that Melissa was the daughter that they could depend on. She told me that she let Melissa continued with Master because she knew that Mel could do it. She trusted her. She knew Mel loved to study so much.

Sometimes, Mama would compare Mel to Michele (our eldest sista, oh I wish she would not read this lol), and said that if Mel is at home, she would bake a cake, or a pie, make dadeh, anything to make our stomach full. But when Michele was at home, all she did was watch the TV and brought more DVDs home. (Kesian Michele lol) I was the one to hear all her complains, and to bitch with her about people around us. We had some sort of housewife chit chat. Me? I never bake even a biscuit for them lol.

 Perhaps she would complain that Melissa was barely at home, but that was what mothers do. They wanted their children to be by their side. Melissa knew how to cook, Melissa knew how to bake, Melissa knew how to drive, Melissa knew how to handle the cats, bla bla bla, Melissa this, Melissa that.  Sometimes, I didn't even dare to feel jealous, instead I agreed because I liked the cake that she made.. And more often than not, I felt embarrassed because it seems like I have nothing to be talked about.I felt like an underdog, even in the eyes of my parents. But I just kept quiet, because despite being such a loser, my family still loved me.

But sometimes, I wish I could contribute to their pride. Do something like my sister to make them proud. I never really made them proud, except academically, when I received the certificates for being the best student in Bahasa Malaysia during my Form 6. But then, Mama would take the credit and said "Ha.. if it wasn't for me who asked you to continue with Form 6, then you wouldn't be able to experience this thing right?"

And yeah, I agreed. My success, it was motivated from my mother.

But Mel's success, it was more of her own motivation.

That was why, sometimes, Mama needed to give more attention to me because.. it's hard to say this, but she didn't really trust me compared to Mel. She even asked me "If you only get  a degree, with your course, I don't know how your future will be like."

So Mel, just so you know, Mama loves you. Very much. But in a different way from how she loves me and Michele. I knew she loves the three of us the same, but the way she shows it was according to our personality. The way she loves Michele, perhaps she complained about her, but despite that, she praised her (again, behind her back). The way she loves you, she knew she could depend on you because you are independent and matured. She was very proud of you. But me, the only thing she could depend on me was to help her pluck her uban and sometimes, she would ask me to be her banker (because my other talent was in menabung lol). She gave her attention to me because she knew that I needed her more than any of you. I was a grown up Baby, and would always be. But you guys my dear sistas, you guys are her hopes. She looked up to you guys, but for me, she still think that she needed to protect me.

And the same goes for Papa. Lol. Papa may look selamba but he would always be proud of us, his three daughters, his Chua descendants.

So, I wish, I just wish that you would not think that you are neglected for being the middle child. Don't you realize that by being the middle child, even in the pictures where we were arranged according to our age, you are the center of the attention?

PS: I noticed that I am being very open  in my blog lately, but this is no family secret. It is important for you to know that your family love you. So jangan harap la aku nak delete post ini. Aku memang muka tebal pon! :P